Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
