At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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