At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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