Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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