No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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