Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
