There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
