She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
