i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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