My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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