there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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