Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dignity is for republicans.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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