Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.