Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
