That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?