tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.