Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do