She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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