Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE