i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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