You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
