Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
