guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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