we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
