I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
