woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
