Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He did a backflip because drugs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
