I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
