We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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