What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
