I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
