The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
