Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And then he peed in my hair
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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