I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
