apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
