what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
