It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
