Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
