becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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