remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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