Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
