Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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