I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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