It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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