I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
