it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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