you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
