someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
