my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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