I'm so fucking centered right now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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