You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
