he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
