Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
