He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
