WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
