You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
