i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
