I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
