I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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