I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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