At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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