dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
