So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
