when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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