I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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