he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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