apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
