dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
