smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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