i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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