hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
