My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
