TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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