Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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