omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
