there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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