u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
